


Blood in the Water

by bruisedplanet



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Fix-It, Hatake Kakashi Needs Help, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27830947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruisedplanet/pseuds/bruisedplanet
Summary: Originally posted to Wattpad. I suck at summaries :(Kakashi shows up a foot away from death at Iruka's apartment. Iruka agrees to help him through physical therapy. Feelings happen.TW for self-harm ideologies.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	1. This isn't your apartment

Iruka sighs and pinches his temple in frustration.   
"No that isn't right, you're supposed to hit the target"   
The small child seemed to think about what Iruka said before nodding and then throwing another kunai. It landed next to the first one.

His face scrunched up and then he started yelling about how there must be some jutsu on the kunai because there was no way he would have missed that one.

Iruka groaned internally and looked around the field, noting the other children were not having much better luck. He understood the difficulties the first or second time throwing a kunai but this was the fifth time they'd tried this week! And they weren't even close to the target. Iruka even had to shove several unaware children out of the way before a practice kunai hit them.

The child in front of him seemed to notice he wasn't listening because his voice had died down and he was staring at him expectantly.  
"Iruka-sensei! It's not fair!"

Iruka just smiled and ruffled the kids hair. "It's alright, you'll get better with time. I promise"

A long time by the way things were going.

Eventually class ended and Iruka began collecting the stray kunai that had been too dangerous to get while kids were still throwing. He locked up his materials and headed out into the cool Konoha afternoon. It was still on the last legs of spring so the breeze was pleasant and the scent of flowers wafted through the air.

Iruka took a deep breath and walked towards the tower. He'd have to start mission room duty soon but he choose to go the long way past the new trees one of his neighbors had planted. The sweet lady that lived there had said the buds would open soon and Iruka wanted to be the first to see them.

Arriving at his destination he walked to the door and politely knocked. A shuffle came from inside before the door opened and an old lady appeared.

"Oh Iruka!"   
She opened the door and Iruka stepped inside.   
"I have some bad news I'm afraid, one of the trees has completely withered"

"Really? How?"

"I'm not sure dear, it was almost overnight. Yesterday it was fine and then today- well you'll see"

She led Iruka to the back of her home and then into the backyard where her garden lay. Iruka gasped.

There were three trees in a row. Two were healthy and the buds seemed ready to burst. But the third was.. well.. completely dead. It looked like it had been for months.

"I'm not one to believe in all that superstitious nonsense but-"   
She seemed at a loss of words for a moment.

"Well I just planted that one thinking about how much you'd like it and now it's dead so .. be careful Iruka"

Iruka nodded. He didn't really believe in those sorts of things either but he wanted to make his neighbor feel at ease.

That night Iruka couldn't sleep. He knew it was late, judging by the moon's position in the sky outside his window but sleep just wouldn't come. So he lie awake staring at the ceiling, thinking over lesson plans for the next week. Tomorrow was Saturday so he guessed not being able to sleep would be okay since he could just sleep in the following morning, assuming his body would let him.

Giving into frustration he got up to make a cup of tea. Tea fixed everything, well almost everything. It's then when he's stumbling around his dark kitchen when he hears it. A raspy inhale. It's so faint that Iruka thinks he's just hearing things at first. But then it happens again, a little louder. Could it be an enemy nin? Why would one be in his home?

Thinking back on what his neighbor had said, Iruka sets the kettle down and listens intently for it. Yes, he can hear it. Faint weak breathing. It's coming from his bedroom. Aware that it could be some sort of trap Iruka grabs a kunai from his kitchen drawer before slowly going down the hallway and into his room.

It takes a moment before he sees the slumped over figure below his now open window. The curtains billow in the cold wind over the unconscious body, the chest heaving. Iruka's grip tightens before the clouds move from in front of the moon and the light catches a tint of silver hair.

Iruka drops the kunai. "Kakashi?"  
The mass that Iruka now assumes to be Kakashi doesn't respond. It's only the sound of him breathing that convinces Iruka he's even alive. Why was he here?in Irukas apartment? At this late of an hour?

Iruka gets a little closer and can make out Kakashi's ripped and blood-stained vest. Blood was pooling on the floor beneath him and his hitate was nowhere to be found.   
"Kakashi," he says again   
A single gray eye flicks open and stares at him.  
"W-" it's all he can get out before a spasm of pain rips through his chest and he starts painfully coughing.

"Kami Kakashi" Iruka snaps out of the daze he's in and rushes to get his medkit from the bathroom. He throws the supplies around frantically before crouching at Kakashi's side a moment later.

"Iruka what are you doing in my apartment" is what the jonin says next

Iruka looks at him, perplexed.  
"I could ask you the same thing"

Kakashi's head rolls around as he seems to be seeing the room for the first time.   
"Shit"   
How had he been so careless. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, he was so used to throwing his limp body into his apartment and waiting on the ground until either he had enough energy to get up or he bled out.

Iruka frowns. Was Kakashi so exhausted and weak from blood loss that he had mistaken his apartment for his own, which was on the other side of the village?

"I'll get out of your hair now Sensei" Kakashi attempts to stand up and drag his exhausted body over the window ledge.

"Kakashi wait"  
Iruka pulls him back inside his room.  
"You should go to the hospital"

Kakashi shakes his head, nearly falling over in the process.  
"Don't like doctors"

Iruka frowned, again. He didn't want to enable him by patching him up when he clearly needed expert medical care that, but he also wasn't going to let him bleed out here.

"Then let me treat it at least"

Kakashi raises a single eyebrow.  
"Maa sensei I've already overstayed my welcome I'll be fine once I-"

Iruka yanks Kakashi back inside his room and presses him to the wall.  
"It's my apartment you're in and I'm not going to let you walk around Konoha bleeding enough for the whole village"

Kakashis single eye widens and then his posture relaxes, defaulting back to himself.  
"If you're that desperate to spend time with me Sensei you should have just asked" he says a slight grin showing through his mask.

Rose tinted Iruka's cheeks but it was too dark for Kakashi to see. He simply mumbled something about being ungrateful. and then opened his medkit. Iruka let Kakashi slide down the wall and positioned him so he was sitting upright before he began the process of his removing his vest and shirt.

Kakashi closed his eyes, head tilted against the wall. He was so tired, he could fall asleep right now. It was very tempting to give in to the pull of unconsciousness. Then a flare of pain hit his chest and his eye shot back open.

"Sorry.." Iruka said quietly. He had pulled Kakashi's undershirt off but it had been matted to the wound on his chest. He inhaled sharply. It was deep and oozing blood, it would require stitches. Something Iruka had only done a couple of times before and never on anything as big as this.

"Kakashi... how did you get this?"

Kakashi closed his eye again. "I was careless," he said slowly, voice barely above a whisper.

Iruka didn't understand. Sure Kakashi was lazy and had a penchant for being late but he was anything but careless.

He set to work cleaning the chest wound, applying healing salve on other minor cuts as he went. He heard the sharp intake of breath from the older man each time, knowing it must sting Iruka attempted to start a conversation to give Kakashi something else to focus on. He talked about the events of the previous day and how kunai practice was going record horribly, the jonin's eye remained lidded to show he was listening.

"Kakashi I'm going to need to stitch this up," he said, once he had finished preparing it.   
Kakashi only nodded weakly.

Iruka threaded the needle with shaking hands. He took a deep breath to steady himself before he slid the needle into Kakashi's skin. It was extremely slow. Iruka wanted to make sure he was doing it correctly and he didn't have enough experience to do it quickly. The jonin didn't seem to mind. Or if he did he didn't make any indication of it.

Iruka tried not to notice the way Kakashi was staring at him. His body was leaning forward over Iruka ever so slightly and the close proximity might have made him blush in any other circumstance. He waiting for Kakashi to make a crude comment but nothing ever came. Maybe he was just too tired.

Iruka tied the knot for the stitches and leaned back to scrutinize his handiwork. It was crude but it would hold together until he could convince Kakashi to go to the hospital or drag him to Tsunade himself.

"There's all done. Now turn around"   
Kakashi obliged, sliding over so his back was now facing Iruka. Another gasp.

An even bigger wound zigzagged up Kakashi's backside, it reminded Iruka's of his own scar.   
"Did you know this barely missed your spine! You could have been paralyzed, dead in the forest somewhere" Iruka said in disbelief, his voice rising. He could somewhat understand one fatal wound on a bad mission but two? Two was ridiculous, especially for the all-seeing sharingan Kakashi. The best ninja in the whole village.

"Sensei you worry too much"

"How can I not worry! You're always going on these dangerous missions one after another and each time you come back worse off. I see how you look when you come into the mission room. Don't even try to lie to me I see the reports! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" Iruka was yelling now.

Kakashi is uncharacteristically silent. It's like even the room they're in is holding its breath. After a long moment of silence, he speaks.

"I didn't come here to get lectured, Iruka. I didn't even mean to come here at all. Thank you for stitching my chest up but I can take it from here"

Kakashi began to stand and Iruka scowls, grabbing his arm.   
"The wound on your back is even worse and how will you stitch that one up, it's on your back"

Kakashi yanks his arm free and turns to stare into the teachers' eyes. His look is much more intense than before.  
"I'll figure something out. I have every single other time. Don't think just because I made the mistake of coming here that this means anything to me"

Iruka lets go and stares at the jonin dumbfounded and a little hurt. Kakashi steps out the window but pauses before jumping away.  
"And for the record. The answer is yes"

Iruka stares at the spot Kakashi had just occupied.

Yes?


	2. I don't like hospitals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm the later chapters get better so just suffer through this bad writing for the angst lmao

Kakashi jumps down from Iruka's window, already regretting leaving the warmth of the apartment. The healing salve on his chest had started to take effect, the sharp pain fading to a dull ache. He stumbled to his apartment and disabled the wards before letting himself in.

His apartment didn't really look that similar to Iruka's. He hadn't even known where Iruka lived. He had no idea how he got to his apartment. Kakashi sighed. He shouldn't have pushed the chunnin away. Though he supposed it was for the best. He didn't want to take advantage of Iruka's kindness.

Now he was going to have to force a clone out of the shred of chakra he had left so he wouldn't bleed out. A couple of hand signs later he was staring at a copy of himself which was staring at him very disapprovingly. His clone caught his body as he swayed forward, nearly blacking out then and there.

He deposited him on a chair in the sparsely decorated kitchen and went to the bathroom to retrieve his medkit. Some amount of time later Kakashi was covered in a gross amount of bandages and his clothes were in a bloody heap on the floor. The clone helped Kakashi stand and get him to the bed before he was released and Kakashi let unconsciousness finally take him. 

Iruka was pacing the floor of his apartment. He shouldn't have let Kakashi leave, not in the state he was in. If the strongest ninja of the village died because Iruka pushed him away he'd never be able to forgive himself. He had already considered going to make sure Kakashi was okay but the matter was he had no idea where the other man lived. He supposed he could ask Tsunade but that would be followed with hundreds of questions.

Then again maybe it was better to get Tsunade involved if his wounds really were that serious. That and the complete lack of concern the jonin had shown for his own life. And what the hell did he mean when he said the answer was yes?? Kakashi was trying to get himself killed? That just didn't make any sense to him. He must have misunderstood. Iruka groaned and sat on the edge of his bed.

Why did he suddenly care so much? They hadn't interacted at all save the one outburst he'd embarrassed himself with at the chunnin exams and the other few times their paths had crossed when speaking with Naruto. He decided he would try to find out where Kakashi lived tomorrow. Possibly from Sakura, she would understand his concerns.

He lied back down and set his intentions to get the last couple hours of sleep before the sun would rudely awaken him from his slumber.

Iruka woke up that morning with a headache. He decided it reflected his mood. It was a couple of hours before Sakura's shift at the hospital would start so Iruka decided he might as well actually cook breakfast. Would Kakashi want some? Did the jonin even eat? Sure he'd seen him eat when they got ramen with Naruto but he never finished his bowl. Even elite ninja couldn't sustain themselves on solider pills alone. Iruka decided to make another serving to bring to Kakashi later.

Once it was done cooking, Iruka quickly ate his share and put the rest in a box. He didn't think he was an amazing cook but he hoped Kakashi would at least appreciate the gesture. Iruka left his house and headed for the hospital. A medic-nin told him Sakura would be able to speak to him in a couple of minutes and that he could have a seat in the meantime.

He found his thoughts wandering again. Was it just pure chance Kakashi had wandered into his apartment? It could have been anyone's in that case. He doubted anyone else would take Kakashi breaking into their home as well. He didn't think Kakashi knew where he lived, he'd never been to his apartment before. Maybe he had found out at some point, abusing his higher status.

"Iruka! What a surprise" Iruka looked up to see his ex-student coming toward him. She was clearly in her element, practically glowing.

"I hope you're not hurt are you"

"No no" he chuckled.  
"I just have a question I was hoping you could answer"

She raised an eyebrow but motioned for him to go ahead.

"I was wondering if you knew where Kakashi lived. He uh helped out with a class demonstration a few days ago and I was hoping to bring him some food as a thank you"

Sakura looked like she wasn't buying his half-baked lie at all.  
"Is that all Iruka-sensei"

He contemplated telling her about the previous night but he knew she would drop everything she was doing and rush to get Tsunade.

"That's it" he offered a smile.

"Well, it's lucky I do know where he lives since I've had to treat him there for chakra depletion several times. He refuses to stay at the hospital. But Iruka. If there IS something going on you would tell me, right?"  
Sakura was holding onto his arm and staring into his eyes.

"Yes of course"  
That seemed to satisfy her and she let go.   
"I worry about him. And so does Tsunade"

Iruka wanted to ask what she meant by that but at that moment a nurse came running down the hall yelling for Sakura. She offered Iruka a sympathetic smile

"Duty calls" she then handed him a slip of paper with Kakashi's address scrawled on it.

"Thank you Sakura, good luck in there"

She nodded and then ran after the nurse.

Iruka felt a touch of pride for his student as she pulled her hair back and slipped on gloves before turning down another hallway. She had really grown up to be someone amazing.

Now for the task at hand.

Kakashi woke up and immediately regretted it. His whole upper body felt like it was covered in needles. Frowning at the sun coming through the blinds he attempted to turn around so he could sleep more but found he was unable to move.

That was a problem. If he couldn't move he couldn't train or go on another mission, and what use was he to anyone if he wasn't killing someone.

Guessing by the shadows on the wall he figured it was a little past 10. Since he couldn't move and he had nowhere near enough chakra to make another clone he just lied there, staring at the ceiling. The previous mission had been a success. He'd taken out the missing-nin who were plotting to kill the Hokage in record time. It was on the way back when he'd been ambushed that things had gone south.

On a normal day, Kakashi would have had no problem taking out the jonin level ninjas but he had already been low on chakra and he had sprained his ankle. Still, he got the job done, if not suffering some extensive wounds. He would never tell anyone this but the wound on his back had been calculated. He never would have let anyone get a hit on his back. But it had been a gamble. Kakashi needed the pain to keep his adrenaline going, and if it hit his spine then he could simply lie down and die. It was a win-win in his opinion.

Iruka didn't seem as pleased with his decisions. What did it matter if he died? The village would be better without him in it. Kakashi was interrupted by a knocking at his door. His body tensed up. It wasn't an enemy, was it? No, they wouldn't bother knocking; they would have killed him already.

Kakashi couldn't think of anyone who would come to see him right now. No one even knew he was back in the village. The knocking came again, louder. He would have gotten up and answered but there was still the issue that he couldn't move.

Kakashi waited. Then something blocked out the sun coming from his window. It was on his blind side so he couldn't see who was at his window but he heard it being slide up. Then a thump of shoes on the ground.

"Kakashi?"   
Oh. It was Iruka. Why was Iruka here?

"Kakashi? Are you awake?"   
He still couldn't see the man. He decided to attempt at talking but all that escaped was a weak groan.

Iruka finally walked over and kneeled beside his bed.  
"What's wrong? Why didn't you get the door?"

The one thing Kakashi could move was his eye. And he stared into those chocolate eyes, they were so warm and full of life. Nothing like his sharingan that had come to him by death and misfortune.

Iruka frowned at the jonin. "Well, I guess you don't want to talk to me but I brought you some food. I figured you wouldn't have any at your place and you can't just eat solider pills and nothing else. Sorry for invading your privacy by the way I had to ask Sakura where you lived but don't worry she doesn't know that you're hurt I didn't think you'd want a swarm of med nin coming to get you. She's worried about you, you know"

Kakashi listened to the younger man ramble on. His voice was nicer than it had been last night, smoother. He supposed it was because last night he'd just woken up.

"I'll just uh leave it here so you can get back to whatever you were doing I'm sorry for intruding"  
Iruka wasn't sure if he should leave or not. Kakashi still hasn't said anything or do anything but stare intensely at him. He wanted to yell at him, he could at least say thank you. He did after all go through all this trouble of hunting him down.

"Okay well I'll let you be now"

No, Kakashi didn't want Iruka to leave yet. He wanted to listen to him talk more. And there was no way he was going to be able to eat the probably delicious food he had made. It would go to waste.

"I-Iruka" it was still a throaty groan but it sounded enough like his name to get the chunin to turn back around.

"Please"

Iruka turned back from the window to see the most desperate look on Kakashi's face. It's like he was pleading with his single eye.

"S..stay. I- can't"   
Iruka was back beside Kakashi in a heartbeat, he was suddenly full of worry. Maybe he'd read this wrong and Kakashi wasn't ignoring him.

"Shh. Don't talk anymore"  
He rapidly assessed the situation  
"Can you move? Blink once for yes twice for no"

No.

Kami he had just been about to leave Kakashi paralyzed in his bed because he was stubbornly believing that the other man just didn't like him. But it wasn't that. Kakashi physically couldn't do anything.

"I should get Tsunade"

Kakashi's eye fluttered.  
"Sakura told me you didn't like hospitals but this is ridiculous"

His eye seemed to crinkle in amusement at that.   
"Ok I'm going to prop you up"   
Iruka peeled the covers back, careful not to disturb the dressings that covered him. Then he gently lifted the man up and shoved a pillow behind him.   
"Did that hurt?"

No.

Iruka was scared now. Was it possible the wound on his back really had touched his spine? Or if Kakashi hadn't properly closed it up and it had ripped and then hit his spine while he was sleeping?   
"I'm going to look at the wound on your back now, is that ok?"

Yes.

Iruka quickly made a clone so it could hold Kakashi forward while real him gingerly peeled off the bandages surrounding his back. The wound didn't look any better, but there were finely done stitches in place.

"Did a neighbor stitch this?"

No.

"You didn't make a clone, did you?"

Yes.

Iruka hit the back of Kakashi's head lightly. "Why would you use chakra like that when you were so depleted already" he imagined Kakashi would just shrug in response.

Iruka looked closer at the gash. He lightly traced it with his fingertips. A soft gasp left Kakashi's lips.   
"Hands .. cold"

"Ah I'm sorry" Iruka didn't touch it again. Sure enough, it looked like the gash had crossed over his spine. He didn't have much medical knowledge past what he taught the pre-genin so he wasn't sure if it was actually the reason Kakashi couldn't move or if it was just chakra depletion.

"Kakashi we really should have Tsunade look at this, I'm worried that the wound ripped into your spine a bit"

No.

"Stop acting like a child! You're horribly injured, you could have died last night! I don't even know why I'm giving you the option!"

Iruka motioned for his clone to get Tsunade.  
"I don't..hah.. want to get... lectured again"

Iruka threw his hands up in frustration. "Clearly it didn't work the last time she lectured you"

Kakashi wanted to scream. He didn't need Tsunade, he would be fine in a couple of days. Then he'd be back to being useful again. If Tsunade knew about his condition she'd put him on leave for at least a month.

Now that Iruka's clone had left Kakashi had been holding his body up through sheer willpower but the thought of having to sit in his decrepit apartment for a month or more took it out of him. His eye closed and he fell forward, expecting to hit the bedsheets. But instead, he hit a wall, a warm, soft wall. He was panting hard from the effort of staying awake and he knew it. But the wall didn't seem to care. It smelled like oranges.

An equally warm hand touched his back soothingly. He distantly knew it must be Iruka. Suddenly aware that he freezing he tried to push further into the source of warmth.

Iruka was staring wide-eyed at the shivering jonin that was currently nuzzling into his chest.   
"Kakashi?" He said softly but he received no reply. Iruka put his hands around him and the older man sighed contentedly. He had been breathing hard into Iruka's vest and Iruka was worried he was going into some type of shock but it soon evened out. He was sleeping Iruka realized.

A few minutes later Anbu appeared in the apartment and took Kakashi's body from Iruka's arms. One of them approached him.  
"The Hokage wishes to see you in the hospital"   
Iruka nodded and the anbu lightly touched his shoulder. They were then in a brightly lit hospital room.

The anbu from before were placing Kakashi on a hospital bed and a flurry of nurses were moving about to place an IV.

"Iruka, a word"

He turned to see Tsunade standing behind him, pinching her temple. They stepped into the quieter hallway.

"How long have you known about his condition"

"Yesterday night, he crashed into my apartment by mistake thinking it was his"

"And the reason you didn't immediately get me? Or bring him here?"

Iruka scratched the back of his neck.  
"I - I wanted to believe him when he said he was going to be okay. He's... Kakashi after all. But when I went to his house earlier to check on him he..."

Tsunade was pacing lightly.   
"How exactly was he acting"

"Well, he seemed unable to move and he could barely talk. He has a pretty bad gash on his back so I was afraid it had cut into his spine"

"I'm aware of his physical condition I mean how was he acting"

Iruka was slightly taken aback by her question. Kakashi had been acting like... Kakashi. Cold and aloof. But there was that one thing he had said.

"I was yelling at him. Last night. I asked him if he was trying to get himself killed.. and he said yes. I must have misheard though because that doesn't make any sense"

Tsunade stopped pacing and turned back to Iruka. Her expression was soft  
"Sometimes Kakashi thinks he should be with his ghosts"

A nurse pops out from the room "Tsunade, he's all prepped"

"Okay thank you"  
She turns back to him  
"You can go home now Iruka"

"When will he.."

"You can come back in a couple of days, if he hasn't broken out by then"  
She left Iruka in the hallway with questions and a heart heavy with concern.


	3. Out of commission

There was blood, so much blood. It flowed from his hands into his lap and over his head into his eyes. Everything was red. He heard crying out and the crackle of lightning. It surrounded him and suddenly he was falling. Down down farther into the black abyss. He didn't know where he was, who he was. His throat was tired of screaming.

Iruka had been sitting beside Kakashi's bedside like he always did after mission duty on Sundays. He was silently grading papers when Kakashi started thrashing and crying out. He jumped up and immediately tried to hold him down. His eyes shot open and Iruka distantly felt the sensation of the Sharingan being on him. "Kakashi wake up"

He was crying and names that Iruka hadn't heard before were spilling out of his mouth among a slew of "I'm so sorry"s. "Wake up Kakashi!" The thrashing stopped but his breathing only seemed to get more labored.

"Nurse!" Iruka was yelling. Medic nin flooded the room and he saw one preparing a sedative. A couple minutes later the room was silent again. The nurses had followed through with routine and left. Iruka looked at Kakashi's sleeping form. He had been thin before but he was getting dangerously so now. It had been almost a month since he'd been admitted to the hospital and no one was sure why he wasn't waking. Tsunade spent hours laboriously pouring over texts to see if could be the late effect of a jutsu but she hadn't come up with anything.

Iruka had been told that occasionally Kakashi would be overcome with fits that threatened his weakened heart but he hadn't seen any until just now. It was terrifying seeing the copy nin yelling and screaming for dear life and throwing himself around so hard that the restraints cut into his arms.

He moved closer to the Kakashi and began stroking his hair. He just wanted the other to wake up, if never did Iruka knew it would be his fault.

It was bright, far too bright. It hurt his eyes. He squinted to get his eyes to focus more and saw a brown lump to his right but he couldn't make out any more details. Opening his mouth he found his lips were dry and cracked.

"Water" the word scraped out of his throat and cut up the roof of his mouth.   
The brown lump shot up.

"Nurse!"  
Oh. Kakashi distantly recognized that voice, it was Iruka. Why was he here? Where was here?

A moment later he was being lifted up, the medical mask he was wearing was yanked down, and a cup was pressed to his lips. He gulped the water down hungrily.   
The nurse was then trying to get him to follow her finger but his eye just wouldn't listen to him, so he opted to close it instead. The mask was pulled back up.

He felt a warm hand grasp his and he instinctively flinched away but found his arm was bound.  
"Kakashi" it was Iruka again.

"I asked the nurse to turn off the lights do you want to try opening your eye again"

He did as he was told. The room was dimly lit by the sunlight coming through the window. He found everything come into sharp focus after a moment.

"There," Iruka was in front of him, smiling. He was the one holding Kakashi up and he shoved a pillow behind him.

"I-" Kakashi looked at Iruka again. He seemed to be struggling with finding what words he wanted to say. Kakashi didn't understand, why was Iruka here and why did it look like he was about to cry.

The door to his room slammed open and Tsunade came barreling inside.  
"So you've finally decided to join us, eh brat?"

She saw Iruka start to get up and shook her head. "You can stay Iruka"   
"I should have just let you die for the worry you gave us"

"Maa you know me, I always recover" Kakashi tried to sound nonchalant but his voice didn't sound right, coming out hoarse and unused.

Tsunade's face darkened   
"Do you know how long you've been sleeping? A month Hatake. An entire month where the village was waiting to see if their most powerful ninja would croak over and die in the middle of the night"

His eye widened. A month?   
Tsunade continued  
"After you passed out in Iruka's arms you were taken here where I had to perform emergency surgery on your spine. You're very lucky I had experience from Gai's student or otherwise, I don't think I would have been able to do anything to save you. I'm not sure how you even got back to the village with your spinal cord severed. You should have been paralyzed on spot"

Oh.   
She got closer to Kakashi's face  
"If you ever do anything like that again I will personally hunt you down in whatever crevice you're lying pitifully in and take you out myself"

Kakashi rolled his eye.   
"Don't roll your eyes at me Kakashi! This is serious. I'm putting you off duty for the next three months"

Kakashi opened his mouth to argue   
"Don't forget you've been lying here like a sick dog for a month. You wouldn't even be able to lift that glass of water right now. you'll have to go through physical therapy for at least two months before you'll be able to start training again"   
Tsunade turned to Iruka

"Iruka, if I understand well you've been learning about the process correct?"

"Uh yes, Tsunade but I-"

"Then it's settled. Once you're clear to go in a couple days Iruka will handle your therapy"

"What about my academy-"

"You're position will be filled by a more than capable substitute until Kakashi is ready for work again. You'll be paid, of course, treat this as a mission"  
"Now if you excuse me I have other patients to treat"

Tsunade left with her flurry of doctors leaving the two men alone. Kakashi looked back at Iruka, he looked overwhelmed with the entire situation and his eyes were glassy.  
"Kakashi I-"

He was grasping his hand again.   
"I'm sorry this is all my fault, I should have taken you to the hospital when you came to my place I shouldn't have let you go home and injure yourself more"

Kakashi wasn't sure what to say. Couldn't Iruka see it was his fault? His fault that he'd been injured and his fault that Iruka was even caught up in all of this.

"Don't worry about it Sensei"

Water hit his hand and he realized Iruka was crying.   
"I- I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't woken up or if you'd died. How would I face Naruto or Sakura again"

Kakashi didn't want to see Iruka cry. He jostled against his restraints.   
"Oh right," Iruka sniffled and wiped at his face   
"let me get those. You had some pretty bad fits and we were worried you'd hurt yourself I'm sure you can understand" 

Once his arm was freed Kakashi lifted a thin and shaky hand to Iruka's face, pressing his thumb over his lips.  
"Don't cry. Please"   
Color filled Iruka's face.   
"Ah-"  
Iruka wasn't sure what to do. Kakashi's fingers moved from his lips to aimlessly touch the scar that crossed his face. Others might think it detracted from Iruka's beauty but Kakashi thought the opposite.

Luckily at that moment, a nurse came in to take blood and Iruka hastily stood up.  
"I'll give you some privacy. I'll be back in a couple days once you're ready to be released"

Iruka quickly gathered his materials and wobbled out of the door. Kakashi watched him go.   
He closed his eye and let the nurse do what she had to. A whole month... he'd been out for a whole month. The gamble hadn't paid off. He'd come back alive but he was useless now and for who knows how long. A broken weapon was worse than a dead weapon, if he was dead he wouldn't be taking up Konohas time and resources.

The nurse asked if he wanted something for the pain and he just nodded. It didn't take long for the darkness to take him after that.

Iruka was scampering around his apartment. Would Kakashi have to live at his place? Would he live at Kakashi's? The man would need help doing even basic things like going to the bathroom and cleaning himself for at least a week. He'd asked Tsunade for the materials so he could be there for Kakashi during physical therapy not to be in charge of Kakashi's entire well being. And what about the academy?! The kids would drive the substitute insane surely. They needed him. Why not ask Gai? Iruka was sure that he'd be more than happy to help his rival with his recovery.

He forced himself to take a deep breath. It had already been decided there was nothing he could do. He looked around his apartment. If Kakashi was going to live here Iruka was definitely going to have to clean, and make it more accessible since he'd be in a wheelchair for the first couple of days. Would Kakashi want a futon? Would he be ok with the couch? There was so many things Iruka had to consider.

He ran his hands through his hair pulling his ponytail loose. He guessed he would just have to wait until Kakashi was cleared.


	4. Adjustments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls ignore the fact they dont have TVs in the show

Iruka didn't have to wait long. An anbu alerted him 2 days later that Kakashi was stable and ready to leave. He headed to the hospital immediately.

Kakashi hated hospitals. He'd only been awake in one for 2 days but it was 2 days too long. He was currently fidgeting with the IV that was still in his arm. Iruka was supposed to be getting him today.

He wasn't sure how to feel. He didn't know the man very well but apparently, he had stayed by Kakashi's bedside every night past visiting hours until the nurses kicked him out, probably out of guilt. He'd noticed Iruka ever since that outburst at the exams. The way he was so passionate about his students was something else. but Kakashi knew that Iruka would never look at him as anything but Naruto's Sensei, the copy ninja master of a 1000 jutsus. A killing machine. It was all anyone saw him as. Iruka was soft and full of life and Kakashi was well, Kakashi.

A nurse entered and told him that Iruka was waiting for him downstairs and began removing the IV. He didn't wait and instead lifted his limp arms together, forming the signs for the teleportation jutsu. He was gone before the nurse could tell him to stop.

When he materialized in front of Iruka he immediately realized it had been a mistake. His legs crumpled from beneath him, the air from his lungs knocked out and he swayed forward dangerously. Iruka yelled and caught him before he hit the floor.  
"Kakashi!"  
Several med ninja quickly scurried forward and one came with a wheelchair.

"No way am I going in that" Kakashi slurred. Iruka motioned for the chair to be taken away.   
"Okay Kakashi. Sure, but why the hell did you teleport down here! Just because you have been in the hospital doesn't mean your chakra has been restored at all. You could have seriously hurt yourself, again!"

He mumbled something Iruka couldn't quite make out.  
"I'll take that" Iruka grabbed the wheelchair and hugging Kakashi he teleported both of them and the chair into his apartment.

Kakashi collapsed onto Iruka's couch. He was breathing hard and his vision was swimming. He realized the sharingan was open when he felt the tug of chakra and shut it quickly.

"Kami Kakashi are you really supposed to be out of the hospital"

He waved his hand in the air dramatically.  
"I told you I hate hospitals"

Iruka sighed in frustration but guessed he couldn't do anything about it.  
"Okay I transported us to my apartment on instinct but if you want we can go to yours. I'll be happy to-"

"No. I don't want to go there"

"O-kay. Well then, I already moved things around to make my apartment more wheelchair accessible"

"I'm not going to use that"

"You're going to have to Kakashi unless you want me to carry you everywhere"

Kakashi sighs.

He lets Iruka set up the chair and then half carry half drag his limp body into it.

"I'm sure you're pretty hungry. I'll make us some lunch" Kakashi lets Iruka wheel him around to his kitchen and set him at the counter.

"I hope omurice is okay"

"That's fine"  
Kakashi looks around Iruka's apartment as he begins preparing the dish. Colorful drawings are plastered all over the walls and he knows at least half of them are from Naruto. In a sort of study corner lies posters on muscle anatomy and books on rehabilitation. There were notes and workout plans scrawled on sheets of paper. Something felt weird in Kakashi's chest when he saw the effort Iruka was putting into this.

"I'm sorry"

Iruka paused what he was doing to look back at Kakashi.

"For what?"

"For" he gestures to his whole situation  
"This. For getting you involved. You shouldn't have to babysit a sick jonin"

"You're right but that doesn't change our situation. I practically volunteered myself by asking Tsunade for all these materials, so don't worry"

Iruka finished putting the omurice together and slid behind Kakashi's wheelchair.

"I think I can at least move the chair by myself"  
Iruka backed off and watched silently as Kakashi slowly placed his hands on the wheels and tried to turn them. It took a few times and Kakashi cursed under his breath until he finally gripped it tight enough.

Iruka followed behind him as he wheeled into the kitchen and to the spot at the table where his plate was.   
"I hope it's good enough, I didn't have many ingredients on hand. For some reason, I always have tons of eggs though"

Kakashi unstuck his hands from the wheel.   
"Can you..." he motioned towards the mask on his face

"Oh yes sorry" Iruka flushed and turned around abruptly.

Kakashi shakily picked up the fork. The fork shot down but missed due to his unsteady hand. He cursed again.

Iruka could hear him struggling, feeling sorry for the copy ninja. He wanted to help but wasn't sure if Kakashi would take it well. A few more seconds of awkward scraping noises passed.

"Iruka-"

"Yes?" He was ready in an instant

"Could-" the ninja seemed to take a moment to swallow his pride.

"Could you uh. help me.... please"

"Of course Kakashi, but what about-"

"It's okay, you can look. It's not worth starving over"

Iruka took a deep breath, turned around, and then immediately lost it. He felt like time slowed as Kakashi looked at him helplessly with both eyes, a frown on his thin lips. Iruka drank in Kakashi's face, his beauty mark. The rumors about Kakashi covering his face because of some hideous deformity were very, very wrong. He realized he was staring and dropped his eyes down.

It was weirdly intimate, feeding someone else. At first, Kakashi had tried to refuse the food like he hadn't asked for help. But once it was in his mouth all that resolve melted away. It was delicious! Now they were in a sort of rhythm of Iruka stabbing the food and placing it delicately into his mouth. The  
"Mmmm" following each forkful was enough motivation for him to continue without feeling awkward.

"Tshish is rsheally good"

"Shh don't talk with your mouth full are you five?"

Kakashi pouted.

Iruka chuckled  
"You act like you haven't eaten in months"

Kakashi closed his mouth abruptly, letting the food smack into his face.  
Iruka cursed.  
"Sorry"   
He got up to search for a napkin.

"I haven't"

"What?"

"Eaten.... in months. I've... been on missions"  
He fidgeted nervously at the table, avoiding looking at Iruka.

"Oh, Kakashi"   
Iruka sat back down and reached forward, wiping the food from Kakashi's face.

The close proximity made a faint blush color Iruka's face.

"I'd offer to help with the dishes but-"

"Oh don't worry about it."

Kakashi swore mentally. He hated being so useless. He watched him stack their plates in the sink.

"Did you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Oh uh" Kakashi felt exhausted, the simple actions of the day catching up with him, but he guessed it was okay.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

A few minutes later Kakashi was settled on the couch next to Iruka and a documentary was playing softly on the TV. Iruka was sweating slightly as Kakashi was very much cuddled into him. He was shivering and he seemed to press into Iruka for warmth. His breath shallow through his mask ghosted Iruka's arm.

Halfway through the movie, he realized the other man had fallen asleep. He took the moment to really look at the other. Sleeping, Kakashi's face was much more relaxed and open. The lines and ever-present eye bags seemed softer. He looked.... at peace. Iruka couldn't have known that was far from the truth, that Kakashi was plagued ceaselessly by nightmares and phantoms of his past.

He got up slowly and let him fall down onto the pillows he had set up earlier. Then he pulled a blanket over the jonins sleeping form and set to his own bedroom.


	5. Walking on eggshells

Iruka woke up to screaming. He was out of his bed in an instant, running from his room to the living room, kunai in hand, ready to attack whatever was causing the commotion.

"Kakashi!"

The man was sitting upright on the couch, fingers fisted in the blanket Iruka had covered him with not a couple hours ago. His breath was coming out in short uneven gasps and his chest was heaving, both his eyes were wide open, the sharingan spinning rapidly.

Iruka set down the kunai and gingerly approached him. He could sense his chakra spinning wildly out of control. It wasn't quite killing intent, wasn't quite directed at Iruka, but it was similar. He flinched at its intensity.

"Kakashi"

When he didn't respond Iruka slowly sat down on the opposite side of the couch. His face was stricken and pale in the moonlight.

"Kakashi" he said again, softer and put his hand onto the other's and loosened his grip on the blanket. His knuckles turned back to normal from stark white. Iruka waved his hand in front of Kakashi's face but he didn't seem to see it. His eyes remained unfocused.

It didn't seem like it'd be a genjutsu, but Iruka had no idea how to snap the other man out of it. He glanced to his coffee table and saw something that might work. He picked up the special eyepatch the nurses had given him to block the sharingan from draining chakra and slowly moved toward his face.

"I'm going to cover your sharingan okay Kakashi?"

He put the eyepatch over Kakahi's left eye and secured it on the back of his head. With that, his other eye softened and Kakashi slumped forward, a soft sigh escaping his lips. His hands fell to Iruka's thighs and weakly gripped his pants like he was trying to ground himself.

"There, that's it. It's okay Kakashi, I've got you"

Iruka frowned as the other man fell forward into his arms. It seemed that it was nothing more than a fit, he thought that they would have stopped now that Kakashi had rested some. It made him think about how he really didn't know the other man. What had caused the fits, were they a normal occurrence? Did they happen before the hospital?

Thinking of how his mother used to soothe him and when he had nightmares, Iruka gingerly rubbed Kakahi's back, careful not to touch the large scar. He knew that he was sensitive around his own and didn't want to scare Kakashi.   
A few minutes passed and his breathing evened out. Iruka assumed he had fallen asleep again.

He tried not to blush at the awkward position they were in. Kakashi's breath was warm on his neck, still shallow despite him being asleep. It was almost silent, a product of shinobi training. Even in their sleep, they were trained to be silent and deadly. His fingers seemed to have a mind of their own as they played with his short's hem. His friend just had a night terror and Iruka was blushing. He shook his head, were they friends? He supposed so, he had waited almost every day at the hospital for him to wake up and volunteered to take care of him. Did Kakashi consider them friends? He hoped so.

Iruka continued to smooth small circles into Kakashi's nightshirt, hoping it would help him from having another fit. Holding him in his arms, Iruka realized how much Kakashi had shrunk since the accident. His spine stuck out of his back and he felt noticeably smaller. Iruka smiled as he thought of him as one of his students. Then a darker thought came, if someone wanted to take out the famous copy nin, now would be the perfect time.

That thought put into perspective how much Kakashi was actually trusting him. He was defenseless like this. If someone came for him, the only thing stopping them would be Iruka, his whole life was in his hands. He was brought out of his thoughts by a sharp gasp and mumbling.

Surprised, Iruka felt damp spots on his shirt and looked down to realize Kakashi was crying. They were small, pitiful tears. Followed by smaller whimpers.

"Hey, Kakashi it's okay"

Iruka picked him up so he could see his face. His visible eye was barely open, wet droplets sliding down his face. Iruka wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"Kakashi what's wrong? Are you awake?"

Iruka frowned as he didn't respond. Was it another night terror? It didn't seem like it, a normal nightmare maybe. Everyone knew it was dangerous to wake jonins up so Iruka let his chin fall back on his shoulder and embraced him a little harder. He couldn't do much besides be there for him. 

When Kakashi awoke he was very warm. He huffed and moved closer to the source of warmth. It was soft, he'd have to compliment Iruka on his blanket choice. It took a moment for him to notice it was moving up and down.

He opened his eye to look right into Iruka's sleeping face. His hair was out of the usual ponytail and was spilled on the couch pillow.

Kakashi found himself scrambling to get off but due to his weakened state only succeeded in falling back on top of him and hitting him in the face.

"Eh?"  
Iruka woke with a start and sent Kakashi backward onto the other side of the couch. Kakashi groaned as his back hit the end table.

"Ah Kakashi! I'm so sorry!"

It was then Iruka's turn to scramble. He fumbled off the couch. and stood upright.

"I'm fine I'm fine" Kakashi waved his hands in the air.

"Would you mind explaining Sensei"

"Explain what- oh" Iruka fell silent as a blush flooded his face.

"You don't remember?"

Kakashi shifted so he was back on the couch.

"Remember what"

The blush disappeared and Iruka picked the blanket up from the floor and started folding it back up.

"You uh had another fit last night I woke up and tried to help you"

"Oh"

"I didn't - didn't mean to fall asleep like that I'm sorry Kakashi" Iruka stammered

Kakashi was bewildered at why he would apologize about that.

"No no it's fine Sensei, really. In fact I'm sorry I woke you"

Iruka smiled nervously.

"How about some breakfast?"

"That'd be great"

Kakashi ran his hands through his hair, settling on the patch covering his eye. It was the hospital issued one since he'd shown up without his headband. He didn't remember putting it on last night and glanced at Iruka who was in the kitchen.

It wasn't anything new that he had nightmares. What was new was having someone during them, even if he couldn't remember. He felt stupid for showing Iruka his vulnerabilities. His bottom lip caught between his teeth as he worried about how much he had shown last night.

Did he know? Had he let his past slip?

At the sound of the tea kettle whistling, he was snapped out of his thoughts. He managed to fumble into his wheelchair and roll to the dining table. Iruka set a cup of tea in front of him and sat across from him.

"Do you... do you have terrors or Uhm, nightmares often?"

He inhaled sharply.

"That doesn't matter"

Iruka scoffed  
"Well, if I'm taking care of you it kind of does, I need to be prepared for anything that might happen to you"

Kakashi cast his eyes downward. He was startled when he felt a warm hand on his.

"Listen, I don't know much about you besides the rumors. I don't know what you've been through. But you showed up at my door fatally injured asking for help. I can't help you unless you accept my help Kakashi"

His walls rose with bitter anger.

"Yeah, you don't know me. I was obviously not acting right from the blood-loss that night I came to you. Don't act like it was anything else. I don't need your help"

Iruka laughed, much to Kakashi's surprise

"You sound like one of my students!"

His tone softened   
"I know you aren't use to having people help you, so I'll let your arrogant behavior slide this one time. But I'm serious, you're not here in my living room because Tsunade made you. You're here because you agreed to let me help you"

Kakashi remained still, eyes staring at the hand over his, afraid that any slight movement could betray him.

"We'll get through this. Together"


	6. Baby steps

_You're here because you agreed to let me help you_

Kakashi stared at Iruka. Had he? It was more like Tsunade threatened him with even more harm if he let down Konoha's favorite sensei.

Iruka had gone back to preparing the food, whistling while he worked. Kakashi backed up and wheeled to the bathroom. Iruka watched him go, unsure if the other man had let enough of his pride go to accept help with.... that.

When Kakashi got to the bathroom he stared in the mirror. His skin was pale, paler than usual, and the skin on his face was drawn giving him a sunken appearance. He flexed open the sharingan and watched the scar contort and warp. He lifted off his shirt to stare at his wounds. The gash on his chest had all but healed and the various other cuts had faded to white. Noticing his ribs sticking through his skin, Kakashi frowned at how much his physique had left him. His back was an ugly mess of scarred skin and metal. It seemed the surgery had required them to set some bones.

He clenched his fist. Obito was surely laughing at him now. How fucking pathetic. He let himself get so injured he'd made himself useless. Always useless. His thoughts darkened. How could he let himself almost die over something so pathetic. Obito and Rin had sacrificed themselves for him, how could he throw away their sacrifice so easily. For what? A simple A-rank mission?

Iruka was setting a plate of toast and eggs on the table when he was jolted out of his thoughts by a crash. "Kakashi?" He called. He padded towards the bathroom.

"Kakashi? Answer me or I'm coming in"

"I'm fine Sensei"   
Iruka didn't miss the steel in his voice.

Kakashi stared at his hand, now finely covered in glass, then stared at the shattered mirror. He heard the door crack open and Iruka step behind him.

He was prepared for a scolding but the harsh words never came, instead, he turned his wheelchair to face away from the mirror and began picking the shards out of his hand.

"I know you don't like being helpless"

He picked a particularly large piece near his knuckle out and Kakashi flinched.

"But outbursts like this will only slow the healing process"

His eyes shifted upwards and bored into Kakashi's.

"Do you understand that?"

Feeling confused and weak Kakashi nodded.

Iruka bandaged his hand with the same kindness he had in his voice before wheeling him back to the dining room. They ate in silence aside from the clink of metal on porcelain.

"I-"   
Kakashi frowned. Iruka froze.  
"Thank you"

Kakashi felt an unfamiliar feeling flood his face.

"Of course"

When the meal was over Iruka helped Kakashi back over to the bathroom and explained how to use the new shower to wash off his back.

"Then once it's dry I have to apply a salve to help prevent scarring. Tsunade said we should wash it at least once a day so you can make the decision of when"

"Later" Kakashi answered quickly. He didn't want to face his mistakes again so soon.

"Okay then we can start the rehabilitation, first thing is to get you walking again"

The "rehabilitation room" as Iruka put it was a small room with padded flooring, several fences, and a few lightweights.

"Here let me help you up"  
Kakashi let Iruka wrap his arms around his slim frame and steady him until he got his balance.

"Maa this is embarrassing"

He tried to ignore the warmth surrounding his body, seeping through his thin shirt, making goosebumps erupt down his broken spine. He shivered.

"You okay?"

"Yes I'm fine"

Iruka placed one hand on the bar and moved around to grasp Kakahi's other in his. He flinched and jerked his hand away.

They stayed silent for a moment.  
"Ah sorry sensei, reflex"  
He offered his palm again and Iruka took it gingerly.

"It's alright, I don't know what you're comfortable with so feel free to tell me to back off at any point"

Kakashi scolded himself, he was already making Iruka doubt him.

"-then after a while, you can try by yourself"

Ah shit, he'd been talking.

"Kakashi? Were you listening to me?"

"Of course" he drawled.   
Using his massive genius skills he figured he should attempt to walk now.

It was agonizing.   
With each step, he could feel his legs tense and try to give way. His body swayed with each movement. Kakashi couldn't recall ever feeling so weak, even when he was a child that was never allowed. His father had taught him how to run before he could walk.

Iruka watched Kakashi intently. He saw how his body swayed and how his thighs shook. He noticed how the grip on his hand got tighter and angrier. He wondered what the other man was thinking about. He knew this must be hard for the jonin.

To say Kakashi was surprised when Iruka let go and opted to sling his arm over his shoulder was an understatement. He fought the instinct to throw himself away.

"Here this is for more support"   
The self-deprecating thoughts were chased away by the close contact. He wanted so bad to just close his eyes, knowing he wouldn't see blood behind them.

"Is this okay?"

"yes" it came out as a whisper.

The rest of the therapy went by more smoothly. They did different exercises to get dexterity and strength back. At the end of it, Kakashi was thoroughly exhausted. His whole body ached.

They left the room and Iruka helped Kakashi back onto the couch. He closed his eyes. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.


	7. Hold me softly

Iruka poured the freshly made tea and walked over to Kakashi, surprised to see him asleep already. He felt bad for waking him but Tsunade has been very clear about her aftercare instructions.

He set the tea down and shook Kakashi's shoulder lightly.  
"Kaka-"  
He was cut off by the bruising grip suddenly on his wrist and the faint feeling of the sharingan on him. When had Kakashi removed his eye patch?

The quick movement had clearly taken effort as he sat there panting shallowly.  
Iruka wasn't sure what to say as he stared into both of Kakashi's eyes for what felt like hours. His gaze was cold, calculating, if not a bit unfocused. There was a hint of something else there. Something he couldn't put his finger on.

"Kakashi let me go"

The four words released him from his trance and the hand gripping his went behind his head.  
"Ah Iruka sorry-"

"No it's my fault I should have known better then to try and wake you like that. Uhm, you still have to shower, and here are your pain meds for the evening"

He itched at the scar on his face absently.

Kakashi took the pills dry.  
"Already trying to get me naked sensei?"

The blush that flooded Iruka's cheeks was worth the wack to the head in Kakashi's opinion.

Iruka wheeled him to the bathroom once more and put down the seat in the middle of the shower.   
"That's for you to sit on while you wash. I'll get you a towel"

Iruka walked the short distance to his sheet cupboard and pulled a dark red towel out. Shit he forgot to ask Kakashi about his clothes. He quickly grabbed some boxers and pajamas from his closet hoping they were close enough in size for the night.

When he returned to the bathroom he almost dropped them all on the floor.   
Kakashi was clad in only his briefs. Despite how malnourished and weak he looked it didn't distract from the dizzying beauty of his body overall. He could almost see the ghost of his physique from a month ago.

He hadn't seen how bad his back was until now not really. The ironic thing was it didn't look out of place. With the hundreds of other scars and lacerations on his back, the newest one was only that, a new one. Iruka wondered what had caused each of them, how each one felt. Were they all rough and jagged, or had time softened some of them. Stopping that train of thought, he swallowed and coughed a little to announce his arrival.

Kakashi spun around slowly.  
"I uh-" he reached behind him at his back and a grimace graced his features.

"I can't-"

"Oh Tsunade mentioned this might happen it's okay, I can help you wash your back"

Iruka watched as a blush formed and soon spread like wildfire down Kakashi's neck and chest. The pink was striking against his pale skin. He'd never seen Kakashi blush so hard, or at all. Was that why he wore his mask?

"It's fine really, I've had to wash children off plenty of times after training accidents"

"Glad I'm as high on your list as child"

"Oh shut up just get in the shower and I'll join you in a moment" Iruka tried not to cringe the moment that left his mouth and instead opted to check on the healing ointment Tsunade had given him.

As soon as he heard the water turn on he faced the shower again. Kakashi was sitting in it waiting. Right. Help Kakashi shower. It wasn't weird right? It would only be weird if he made it weird, which he wouldn't. Friends help each other all the time this wasn't any different.

He stripped to his boxers and stepped into the shower, trying to ignore that the other man was completely nude under the spray.

For a moment it was quiet except for the muted pattering of the water on his skin.  
"Can you do your hair or are you too sore for that too?"

Kakashi seemed to squirm under Iruka's concerned gaze. "I'm not sure"

"Okay well just hand me the shampoo"

Iruka tilted the showerhead so it covered Kakahi's whole body and hit his legs. He sighed contently as the warmth enveloped him.

Iruka squirted some shampoo into his hand and started massaging it into his hair. It was surprisingly soft for something that stuck up like a sore thumb. Under the water, it gained weight and fell down onto his neck and face.

"Do you really not use gel or anything on this?"

"My hair is part of my mystery, and no I don't"

Once it was lathered up, Iruka moved on to the more pressing issue. He put his hand tentatively on Kakahi's back. The other man jerked forward.

"fuck did that hurt? I-"

"you just startled me, I don't have enough chakra to sense you moving"

"Ah-" Iruka changed tactics, instead opting to kneel beside him.

"Here so you can see at least some of me"

He slowly placed his left hand on Kakashi's shoulder blade.   
"Is that better?"

His single gray eye focused on his and then he nodded. Kakashi knew he was acting like a spooked dog but he was far too exhausted to care, the meds were quickly kicking in/

Iruka focused his willpower on not looking lower than Kakashi's waist as he started sponging tenderly around the scared flesh and metal. Each dab brought bits of dried blood and crust off. He has to work slowly as not to disturb the more sensitive parts.

About 10 minutes later Iruka moved the showerhead to rinse off the suds on Kakashi's back and started working on his hair again. He was surprised when Kakashi sighed and leaned back onto Iruka's bare chest.

His head fell into the crook of Iruka's neck and his eyes were shut.

" 'm tired"

A blush flooded Iruka's cheeks and he hoped Kakashi couldn't feel his rapidly beating heart.

"I'm almost done"

He finished rinsing out his hair.

"Did you uhm? Wash the rest of you?"

He only got a grunt in reply.

"Kakashi"

His eye fluttered open weakly again. If it wasn't for the steam and water already on his face, Iruka could have sworn he looked close to tears.

Iruka figured he wasn't _that_ close to the jonin as to wash the rest of him and the water _had_ been running for a while so it was _okay_ if they skipped the... other areas for now.

"I'm turning the water off okay?"

Once it was off he grabbed the towel from outside the shower and tightly wrapped Kakahi's form.

He hoisted the jonin up and out. Iruka didn't think he'd ever get used to how small the man currently was.

It was a short journey to Kakashi's room. Iruka deposited him on the mattress.

"I still need to put the ointment on, then you can go to sleep"

"Okay"  
Kakashi looked around the room. The walls were covered with pictures of chakra pathways and weapon diagrams. He noted the bright orange comforter, naruto's most likely. Luckily it only had one window, easily defensible. Even with his sleep and pain med addled brain, the paranoia seeped through.

Iruka returned with a pile of clothes and a small jar. He slung an arm around Kakashi to support him while he pulled on his boxer and pants.   
Next, he gingerly applied the anti-scarring and antibiotic ointment and put loose bandages over it.

He took a seat behind Kakashi and started drying his hair.

"I can understand why my pack likes me bathing them so much"   
He said quietly.

"Hm"

"I don't think anyone's washed my hair so gently"

Iruka stilled.

"If it wasn't me it was a comrade hurrying to wash the blood off my skull to heal a head wound"

He paused as if in thought  
"Still, that's gentler than rouge ninja or assassins shoving your weak body under ice-cold water repeatedly for _almost_ too long to try to get you to talk"

"Kakashi-"

" _maybe-_ maybe Minato was gentle when he washed my father's blood off me"

His voice was so detached, so emotionless. His gaze was steady as he stared at nothing in particular.

It hurt Iruka's heart too much. He dropped the towel and wrapped his arms around the older man.

"I'm sorry Kakashi"

"Why? It's not your fault"   
He didn't react to the embrace, he didn't take his eyes off the far wall.

"In reality, it doesn't matter how my hair is washed, it'll never be clean. _I'll_ never be clean. I'll never get rid of their blood"

He moved out of Iruka's embrace at that moment and got into the sheets.   
"Thank you for the ointment"

It pained Iruka far too much to leave at that moment but he understood Kakashi was asking him to leave.   
He didn't get anything, he didn't understand what Kakashi was talking about. _Who's_ blood? What had prompted him to talk so openly?

"Okay Kakashi, ill wake you in the morning, have a good night"

Iruka didn't wait for a reply as he left the room, shutting the door behind him softly. He didn't hear the self-destructive thoughts of the jonin he was leaving.


End file.
